The World's End

Awful Apocalyptic Spoof Falls Short of Every Possible Mark.

I suppose I really shouldn't expect quality entertainment from Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.  The British comedic stars who brought us Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are back with a film that's even worse than the first two.  Although I enjoyed Hot Fuzz somewhat, it was by no means a quality film.  This movie, however, tops even Shaun of the Dead for stupid comedic farces.

The World's End actually starts off as a somewhat decent movie.  It begins with five British school boys celebrating their last day of school by attempting to hit all 12 of their town's pubs in one night.  This epic pub crawl is known as the "golden mile."  Although they almost finish, they decide to call it quits early and head for the hills, just two pubs shy of completing their goal.  It was a life changing pinnacle for Gary King (Simon Peg) the group's leader.

Years later, we find Gary telling the story of the golden mile that almost was to people in an AA meeting.  Although years have come and gone, he has never been able to move on and live a productive life.  Following a suggestion from one of his AA comrades, though, he decides to reunite with his four old friends and take another shot at the golden mile.  Although his former friends Andy (Nick Frost), Oliver (Martin Freeman), Steven (Paddy Cosidine), and Peter (Eddie Marsden), all have good jobs and nice quiet lives, Gary convinces them to join him in their hometown of Newton - Haven for another pub crawl to finish what they started so many years ago.

Basically, this is a decent movie until the apocalyptic stuff starts.  I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say it goes from being an enjoyable film about five old friends reuniting to a stupid film about five old friends fighting evil robots in about five minutes.  Such a disappointment.  The only enjoyable part was Nick Frost, who took a break from his typical role of a bumbling idiot to play an uptight laqyer who disapproves of Gary and his antics. This movie didn't impress me but if you enjoy stupid, apocalyptic farces, be my guest.  Just don't expect too much.  The World's End had one of the worst endings I've ever seen.

1.5 Stars.

Endless Love

Sappy Rom-Drom Would Bore Even Nicholas Sparks.

It's common these days for most movies to be at least somewhat clique, but this chick flick tops them all.  Not even kidding.  If cliche were a movie, it would be Endless Love.

Every character in this film is a walking cliche, quite literally.  Let me explain.  The movie starts at a high school graduation where we first meet the pair of star-crossed lovers.  David Elliot (Alex Pettyfer) is your typical working class kid, the son of a humble, blue collar mechanic.  Jade Butterfield (Gabriella Wilde) is your typical high society beauty, the daughter of a wealthy doctor.  He plans on running his father's small auto body shop, while she plans on going pre-med at Brown University.  David is admiring Jade from afar, unable to talk to her, but his obnoxious friend Mason tells him not to waste his time, that a girl so beautiful and so rich could never be interested in the likes of him.  Very shortly thereafter, however, Jade and her family come to dinner at the incredibly upscale inn and restaurant where David and Mason work as parking valets.  While Jade accidentally drops something, their eyes meet for the first time and that's really where their story begins.

Is that cliche enough for you yet? I'll continue.  It's been stated that Jade's family is very wealthy, but they are also still recovering from the loss of Jade's older brother who was lost to them two years previously.  Aside from that, though, her family couldn't be anymore cliche.  Her arrogant father (Bruce Greenwood) isn't impressed by David and doesn't consider him a suitable match for his daughter while her impressionable mother (Joely Richardson) finds him charming.  Her older brother (Rhys Wakefield) is a college slacker who is an obvious disappointment to his businesslike father.   David and Jade's romance takes off, but her snobbish father will do just about anything to keep them apart, ignoring all of David's great qualities.  This isn't a bad film, there just isn't much originality here.  If you're looking for something of the sweet, romantic sort, stick with Dear John or The Notebook.  Watch this if you want, just don't expect anything new of exciting.

2.5 Stars.

Django Unchained

Inglorious Bastards comes to The Dirty South.

I'm not a fan of most 21st century action films, but I make an exception in the case of anything by Quentin Tarantino.    Pulp Fiction is his masterpiece, but he has yet to make a bad film.  I loved Inglorious Bastards and when I heard that Tarantino was taking on slavery and racism, I had a feeling it would be good.  It was.

Django Unchained is a unique story.  Set in the pre-civil war South, it begins with a mysterious man named Dr. King Schultz (Christopher Waltz), who drives a dentist cart, ambushing two vicious slave traders at night, who are returning home after purchasing a group of slaves.  He wants to buy one named Django (Jamie Foxx), who steps forward, but when the brothers refuse to sell, King Schultz kills one and leaves the other for dead.  The next day he reveals himself to be a bounty hunter and states that he wants Django's help in chasing down the south's most wanted criminals.  Wanting to be free, Django agrees, though he also wants to rescue the wife he lost to the slave trade years before.  A bargain is struck and their partnership is quite successful.  The duo's final challenge comes, though, in rescuing Django's wife from her masters.  As luck would have it, she is owned by Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio), the ruthless son of a late southern millionaire.  Candie is what we in the 21st century would call a "trust fund baby."  King Schultz and Django adapt new personas and charm their way into Candieland, Calvin's estate.  Things go well at first, but, right when their about to make a deal, things get complicated when Calvin's trusted house slave Steven (Samuel L. Jackson) becomes suspicious.  That's where it gets interesting.

Except all the typical, guns, violence, and death of Inglorious Bastards that is typical of Tarantino.  Django and King Schultz are both very likable heroes and easy to root for and DiCaprio is his usual charming self as the villan.  Action buffs won't be disappointed and anyone who liked Inglorious Bastards should definitely give Django Unchained a shot.

5 Stars.

Ted

The Mind Behind Family Guy Takes His Shot at the Big Screen...What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

We've all seen Family Guy and heard all the jokes.  You may not get every one, but every joke made on Family Guy is always gotten by somebody somewhere.  Think what you want about Seth Macfarlane, but he knows how to make immature people laugh.  After eight seasons of Family Guy, he took his shot at the silver screen and didn't disappoint his loyal fans...at least not me.

Ted is unlike any movie I had ever seen, in both the best and worst ways possible.  Everything is uniquely Seth Macfarlane, starting with the plot.  On the surface it seems fairly almost innocent; a young boy named John wishes for a friend and receives a teddy bear named...wait for it...Teddy.  When he wishes for his friend to stay with him forever the bear magically comes to life and becomes a celebrity.  Things go well for awhile, but, eventually, the boy grows up and the bear does too...sort of.  Years later the movie finds John (Mark Wahlberg), grown and trying to make a career for himself and have a relationship with the woman he loves.  Unfortunately, he has one small problem - his talking teddy bear who lives with him and refuses to leave.  His manner is rude, crude, and everything else Seth Macfarlane.  Ted doesn't work a job or do anything productive; he's more into cigaretts, beer, TV, and partying.  John know he won't be able to move on with his life unless he unloads Ted, but dumping his longtime best friend is easier said than done.  Things really get complicated when a demented TV viewer decides he wants Ted for his own and seemingly normal guy John is faced with deciding between his best friend and the future he truly wants.

If you're a fan of Family Guy and it's irreverent humor, you'll likely enjoy Ted.  If you're looking for something mature, this is definitely not the film for you.  It's nowhere near a "quality movie" but if you are, or were ever a fan of Family Guy, it is most certainly entertaining.  As crude as it may be, much of the humor is clever, as per the usual from Seth MacFarlane.  If you looking to laugh at offensive, stupid things, give Ted a try.

2.5 Stars

Here Comes the Boom

The Theme of Rocky Meets the Spirit of School of Rock

For anyone who doesn't know the song, this film's title can be misleading. At first glance it seems like a comedy, given it's title and the fact that it stars Kevin James.  The plot, though, is hardly comedic and the film starts out in an almost depressing way.

James stars as Scott Voss, a former college wrestling star turned apathetic high school biology teacher.  He used to enjoy teaching, but life seems to have lost it's purpose and he leads a life of solitude.  Voss doesn't care much for his students or the people there, except for his friend Marty (Henry Winkler), a kind and charming music teacher.  Marty soon finds himself in trouble, though, faced with the prospect of losing his job with a baby on the way.  Scott steps in and vows to raise the money needed to save his friend's job, but soon discovers that it won't be easy.  Things get interesting, though, when he meets Hugo, a community college student who was once a mixed martial arts fighter.  When Scott discovers the money that mixed martial arts fighters make, he decides to try his hand at it.  Aided by Marty and training with Hugo, Scott enbarks on a quest to kick and punch his way to the top.  His plan is simply to advance to raise the money they need by losing all the fights he can, but things don't quite go as planned.  Along the way, though, Scott rediscovers his love of teaching and becomes something no one ever thought he could be; a role model.

This movie isn't quite the underdog triumph that Rocky is, but it still warms the heart and demonstrates the values of courage, friendship, and believing in oneself.  I personally enjoyed it much more than I thought I would.  Even though it's not a comedy, there are some laughs, particularly when Scott enters a fight with the arena speakers blasting "Holly Holy" by Neil Diamond.  Here Comes the Boom won't rank among the other underdog sports movies, but if you enjoyed Rocky, it's worth a watch.  Public school teachers especially should give it a try, although real mixed martial arts fighters may have a hard time taking it seriously.   Definitely not a bad movie, though.

3.5 Stars

Rock of Ages

Surprisingly enjoyable adaption of broadway hit reminds us of the power of rock and roll.

I've always been a die-hard rock and roll fan, from the rockabilly styles of the 50's to the 90's new wave punk.  Even so, when I saw the trailers from Rock of Ages the movie, I was suspicious.  It had a solid cast, but Tom Cruise as a rock star?  It just didn't seem right.  Cruise proved me wrong, though.  Everyone in this movie performed well.

Rock of Ages is set in the fading glory days of true rock and roll, which is to say the late 1980's.  The film's entire plot centers around a Los Angeles club titled "The Bourbon Room," a once popular concert venue that has  fallen on hard times.  Owned by rock and roll junkie Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin), the club is in desperate need of money and things only get worse when the city's new mayor's wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones) vows to clean up the city, which means abolishing all rock and roll venues.  Dupree's two young employees Sherrie (Julianne Hough) and Drew (Diego Boneta) both have musical dreams of their own, but Dupree isn't granting any favors...at least he doesn't want to.  All the club's hopes rest on the shoulders of aging rock star Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise), who got his first start there, many years ago.  Things take a turn for the worst, however, when his greedy manager (Paul Giamatti) decides to double cross Dupree and that's where things get interesting.  Adding to the mix are Russel Brand as Dupree's rock loving sidekick Ronny, and Malin Ackerman as an overly critical journalist.

Expect many performances of songs you may know, including Twister Sister's "I Wanna Rock," Poison's "Every Rose Has It's Thorn," and a show stopping rendition of Journey "Don't Stop Believing."  It really had everything, from music, to romance, to standing up for what you believe in and "sticking it to the man."  I just wish Jack Black could have had a role in this; anyone who saw his performance in "School of Rock" will understand why.  The bottom line is, though, if you love rock, you'll love this movie.  Long live rock and roll.

4 Stars.

Project X

Teen party flick is original in parts, but overall shallow.

Like every other teenager with access to a computer or television set, I was immediately interested when I first saw the trailers for Project X.  The trailers were slightly deceptive as to the movie's plot, however.  Project X is about more than just partying.

The plot centers around two high school seniors who are willing to do just about anything to make a name for themselves.  Impulsive Kosta wants very badly to lose his virginity and when his friend Thomas turns 17, he seems his friend's birthday (when his parents are out of town) as the ultimate chance to throw the ultimate party.  Because they are both rather un-popular, he has no idea if anyone will actually come to the party, so he views the entire undertaking as a project.  This he titles "Project X." Thomas is somewhat weary of his friend's ideas and insists that they keep the party small. Kosta is quick to agree to this, but when he sets to work getting the word out via social media, the guest list starts to get bigger and bigger.  When the actual party begins, things start off slow, but once the guests start arriving, things get out of hand..fast!  Before long, both the house and yard are completely filled with teenagers (mostly teenagers that is) and despite complains and threats from the neighbors, the party rages on.  Along the way, both boys learn some valuable life lessons; mainly that the choices you make can easily have everlasting consequences.  This isn't a bad movie, but ultimately its overall message seems to be that being popular in high school is worth sacrificing absolutely everything.  This is a good teen movie, but don't go looking for any moral substance.

3 Stars